Nevara's Story

I've thought about writing Nev's story hundreds of times. People always have so many questions about her adoption, both loving and inappropriate. Before I say anything I'd like to share part of how I feel with you. Nevara is not lucky to have us, it is the other way around. Lucky would have been that the woman that gave birth to her could have cared for her and given her the life that she was entitled to. Nevara's misfortune lead to me being lucky enough to be her Mom. When people tell me how lucky she is, I know it comes from a good place so I typically just reply that I'm the lucky one and leave it there. Nevara's story, like many, is one of love and heart break. You see to be adopted, you must first be given up...

Ever since I can remember I have wanted to adopt. We had always intended on having 3 kids than adopting. Well fast forward winding up pregnant with #4 and I figured my dreams were dashed. Years passed and I couldn't shake my feeling that someone was missing. I tried for years to convince my husband of this and my feeling that we need to adopt. He was skeptical, scared and overwhelmed. I started the process for us through the state. It was a lot of paperwork, but I'm a patient person so it didn't bother me. I even found the home visits by social services fun! We finished our homestudy and waited. We were open to a child from 6 months to 4 years old. A year passed and we still hadn't been matched.

One afternoon, our social worker called to tell us about a private adoption on the east coast that had just fallen through and they needed a match for the baby ASAP! She explained the mothers situation to me and it was one that I could relate all to well to. We had never thought of adopting a newborn let alone talked about the expenses that come with private adoption. When my husband came home I told him all about the opportunity and to my surprise he was in! We then had to rush and write a "Dear Birthmother letter" and gather all the other info she was requesting from couples as this was all new to us and she would be choosing the following day. The next day her social worker sat down with her to go over the 60 profiles that had been sent to her from all over the country. We were told not to get our hopes up since she had so many options. We were the 3rd one in the stack. She looked at our picture and knew we were the right family. She never even looked at the rest! I got the call right away that she chose us and that she wanted to talk to me the next day.

The next day I talked to her for over an hour on the phone. She asked me lots of questions and I gave her honest answers. She didn't know if she was carrying a boy or a girl and didn't want to know so she wouldn't get attached. Since we lived on opposite sides of the country she told me that she would want to be induced so that we could be there for the birth. She was due in 3 weeks. The next couple of weeks we prepared for our baby, while remaining cautiously optimistic. We talked to her social worker on the Friday afternoon that she had her last prenatal visit and was scheduled to be induced the next Friday. We got the girls haircuts and went to dinner. While driving home I mentioned to my husband how nice it was that we had that final weekend to relax and prepare for our journey. Mid sentence, my phone rang and when I looked down at it I saw it was the social workers number! I couldn't even answer the phone I was in such shock! I gathered myself and called her back. Our birth mom had gone into labor! We rushed home and I booked us the next flight early the next morning. My husband mowed the lawn to distract himself. Two hours later when the social worker called for what I assumed was an update, I was shocked to hear "It's a GIRL!" I ran and gathered the girls and took them out back to my husband to tell them our daughter was born!

We got the kids to my parents and flew out the next morning! we had the craziest day of travels due to storms and finally arrived at 3am:/ We drove the hour and a half to our hotel. My husband fell right asleep. I however stayed up all night and watched the sunrise on the gulf. All I could think of was our birthmom and she must be going through. I got a call from our social worker early that morning that the hospital wasn't going to allow us to see our baby till she was discharged. We were of course disappointed, but used that day to hit up baby stores since we knew she was a girl. The next morning we met our birthmother as well as her Mom at a coffee shop. They were both so warm and beautiful. Her Mom asked lots of questions and we all just took each other in. We hugged and I told our birthmom how much I would love her girl and that I would take care of her for her. We then left with the social worker to go get our daughter!

The drive to the hospital felt like forever. The hospital was huge and it took us 15 minutes just to get to the nursery. When we walked in there were 4 babies in basinets and one being fed by a nurse. I knew right away which one Nevara was. I walked over to the nurse and as she handed her to me she said "watch it, this ones a spitter!) It was so bizarre that, that would be the words she chose to say to a new Mom! It didn't matter though, I had my girl and she was perfect! We only had about 10 minutes with her before they wanted to discharge her. I put her in her come home outfit and the awful nurse came back to give her a shot, which they were waiting for discharge to give her. It was so awful, I just wanted to take her and run away. I could tell that her time in the nursery was not filled with love. A couple minutes later we were strapping her in her car seat and heading back to our hotel. We laughed about how if we would have been 1st time parents how crazy it would have been to be handed a baby then less than 30 minutes later being told it was time to take her home!

We settled into our room and ordered room service. We just held her and stared ate her. She was amazing, so sweet and patient! Early the next morning we headed south a couple hours to a new hotel. We spent the next couple days in heaven with our girl waiting to get the ok to come back to California. At 6 days old we got to bring her home. She was the perfect plane passenger. We arrived home to her grandparents and sisters. Everyone was beyond excited to meet her. We settled in to life as a family of 7 fairly easily. Nev was not an easy baby by any means, but she was so incredibly loving and sweet. She had an umbilical hernia, terrible eczema, thrush and horrible reflux. I was patient, did research and we got it all worked out. I can't let babies cry,it breaks my heart so I spent everyday holding her, bouncing her and rocking her. We became so close those 1st 6 months and I could feel how much she needed me.

Nevara's adoption was finalized 4 months later and it was by far the best day of my life. I don't think I even realized the level of stress and anxiety I was under during the months of her not being legally mine! Looking back I still get emotional thinking about our journey. I feel incredibly lucky to have the experience of having biological and adoptive children. The love is the same but different. The love I have for Nevara is so protective and raw. She is amazing and deserves so much in this world. She sees the world through such innocent eyes and I work daily to make the world around us a better place for her. Our blended family has not been without its heartache and struggles, but its worth it.

If you have ever thought about adoption or fostering, please look into it further. You will get so much more than you could ever imagine. If you have any questions on how to start your journey, I am here to help! All children deserve a family and you might be the one to give it to them!XOXO



Comments

  1. This was such an emotional and great story to read. I felt like I was on a rollercoaster with you all! I have always wanted to adopt as well and you so perfectly explained the emotional journey it is to have those feelings and gave great insight on the process. I always say- I need my daughter more than she needs me, I can only imagine how true that rings for your family as well. Thank you for sharing. Can't wait to read more.

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    1. Thank you for taking the time to read. We both have very special girls!

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  2. Amazing, what beautiful people you are! So envious of your girls growing up in their own little girl gang with such loving parents.

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  3. OMG this post made me cry! I've come to realise that Nevara and I have a really similar history (apart from knowing the biological mother, I was as well adopted right after I was born). That's so heart melting, is like I can hear my mom through you. The bond we share is definitely like you said, raw. My family is surrounded by love, but there's a really tight bond between my mom and me. (I'm 22 and live overseas, but everytime I'm home I wake up early only to go cuddle with her before we def wake!)
    Your post makes me really appreciate my family, and though I also hear that they are lucky to have me, I just feel so fortunate to have the family I have. Every birthday I tell my mom that I couldn't have a better mom even if I could pick myself (and she always answers saying I picked her before I was born). I really want, when the time is right, to adopt a kid myself (I think perhaps a toddler). Because I want to share this raw love bond with someone, and actually makes someone as happy as I know as I (and definitely Nev) am!
    That was really a heart warming post. I actually found you only a half an hour ago, but I'm already in love.
    Wish you a lot of love ❤❤❤

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    1. thank you so much for sharing! I'm so happy that you and your Mom are so close!

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  4. OMG this post made me cry! I've come to realise that Nevara and I have a really similar history (apart from knowing the biological mother, I was as well adopted right after I was born). That's so heart melting, is like I can hear my mom through you. The bond we share is definitely like you said, raw. My family is surrounded by love, but there's a really tight bond between my mom and me. (I'm 22 and live overseas, but everytime I'm home I wake up early only to go cuddle with her before we def wake!)
    Your post makes me really appreciate my family, and though I also hear that they are lucky to have me, I just feel so fortunate to have the family I have. Every birthday I tell my mom that I couldn't have a better mom even if I could pick myself (and she always answers saying I picked her before I was born). I really want, when the time is right, to adopt a kid myself (I think perhaps a toddler). Because I want to share this raw love bond with someone, and actually makes someone as happy as I know as I (and definitely Nev) am!
    That was really a heart warming post. I actually found you only a half an hour ago, but I'm already in love.
    Wish you a lot of love ❤❤❤

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  5. Beautiful. Beautiful story, beautiful baby and you are a beautiful person xxx

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  6. Maybe a bold question, but may I ask how you got your husband to adopt event hough he was initially reluctant? (We have a little boy of our own, but I've always wanted to adopt (ideally besides my own blood, but especially if that weren't an option (ideally the nearly was since I struggle with fertility)) but my husband alway made it clear he does not.

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    1. I was just very persistent:) I would go online and show him photolistings of children that needed homes. I would read him stories and statistics about children in the foster care system. I really made him understand what we would be doing, not only for ourselves but for our kids and a child who needed us! There is such a need and if more people just opened their hearts and homes we could all make a huge difference. Nevara has changed my whole world!

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